Having Meaningful Conversations

If meaningful relationships are the context in which evangelism normally happens, then meaningful conversations are the mechanism through which Good News is normally shared. Sometimes, it can be helpful to think about how we can intentionally have more of them.

Create situations where good conversations are more likely

An important prerequisite to having meaningful conversations is having sufficient time, and a conducive environment, to talk to people. If you think about the times in which you have the best conversations in your life, it might be on walks, in the car, or over a coffee. It’s probably not two minutes while you’re entering a building and someone else is leaving. This is touched on in other sections, but try and think of ways you can spend more than a few minutes with some of the people who use the building:

• Actually attend one of the activities/groups that go on in your building. If there is something that interests you anyway that wouldn’t be a hardship to participate in, then go along. This is the best way to get to know people – through shared experience.
• Have at least one event a year that you invite all users of the building to attend and contribute to (e.g. a community meal)
• Where possible, try and schedule church activities that (a) immediately precede or follow other groups or (b) happen at the same time in a different room and suggest having a shared coffee/refreshments time at the start or end so people can make connections and feel part of a community.

Lead with curiosity

In the gospels, Jesus gets asked 183 questions and gives direct answers to only about 8. How many questions does Jesus himself ask of others? 307.

The key to good conversations, and therefore to evangelism, is curiosity. There are some tips for making the most of questions, but there is no substitute for adopting a posture of genuine interest and openness, rather than desperately trying to steer a conversation in a particular direction. Curiosity builds trust, and trust is the context in which faith-sharing is more likely and more fruitful.

Ask open questions

Being genuinely curious naturally involves asking plenty of questions. Ask what comes to mind, but try and ask open questions rather than yes/no ones. Questions that begin with what, why, where, when, and how are usually good starts: ‘what have you been working on recently?’, ‘how did you get involved with x?’, ‘where do you find joy in y?’, ‘why do you do what you do?’ etc.

Making observations as opposed to asking direct questions is another great way of making people feel seen and more likely to open up slightly: ‘You seem excited today’, ‘I love your clothes/hair/hat’, ‘the passion you have for x is inspiring’ are positive statements that invite sharing.

A simple ‘tell me more!’ is also an excellent way of affirming people and getting beneath the surface.

Pivoting from small talk to real talk

While having surface-level conversations can be perfectly pleasant and can help begin to build a relationship, greater depth of conversation is more likely to present opportunities for sharing something about your faith.

A good way to pivot from small talk to more meaningful topics of conversation, is to ask follow-up questions to things like the weather, holidays, hobbies that actually get to the heart of what makes someone tick. Ask question about values, motivations, experiences, goals, emotions and passions that lie behind more surface-level topics.

For example, if you ask someone about work, follow up with ‘what do you find most challenging or rewarding about what you do?’ If someone talks about a hobby, ask ‘what made you want to get into that?’ Even when discussing the weather, you could ask ‘what would be your ideal weather day?’

These won’t necessarily immediately get into deep discussions, but they at least set you on a trajectory where that is more possible.

Push through the awkwardness barrier

Taking a conversation in a deeper direction, and particularly bringing up faith, usually requires at least one moment of vulnerability – asking a sincere question, sharing a story, offering an invitation. One of the most important things we can do in relationship-building and evangelism is to be willing to embrace that one moment of discomfort – to open ourselves up to what the Holy Spirit can do when we let them in.

There is a whole world of amazing connections, conversations – and yes, faith-sharing – on the other side of small moments of discomfort, awkwardness or cringiness. If you can commit to, and hold yourself accountable for, one moment of bravery in a conversation with a building user, you might be surprised by what God will do.

Prepare a testimony

Often, people assume evangelism entails being an expert in apologetics – having answers to lots of common objections to belief. In reality, however, the most common (and most powerful) way people get to share something of their faith is through their own personal experiences, perspectives and stories.

It may be that responding to questions or sharing stories about your faith comes naturally to you, but some people find that in order to do justice to the depth and reality of their faith, that lightly preparing something can help them be more authentic, not less, in faith conversations.

Crucially, a testimony isn’t just the story of how you came to faith (though it can be) – it is any account of your individual story intersecting with the big story of God.

You may find it helpful to think through the following questions:

Why are you a Christian?

This could be intellectual (the evidence of the gospel’s truth you are compelled by e.g. the resurrection), existential (the need that the good news satisfies e.g. because Jesus gives me hope for myself and for the world), experiential (e.g. I have a deeply profound and healing feeling of forgiveness), or a mixture of the three.

What difference does it make?

Try and be relatively specific (e.g. ‘it doesn’t mean I’ve got everything together but it gives me strength and hope in the midst of life’s challenges’)

What example/story best illustrates this?

This could be the story of how you came to faith, or it could be something that happened in the last week. What is one example of God at work in your life you can be confident recounting?

You don’t need to fully script answers to these, but having some clear, recallable points for each will help you more easily talk about your faith when the opportunity arises. This also isn’t about presenting certainty, but about being able to authentically articulate the hope that is in you, whatever that looks like for each of us.

If we build good relationships with people and take an interest in them, they will usually take an interest in what is important to us. Being confident that we can authentically articulate something of our faith prepares us for that and allows us to more courageously join in with what the Spirit is doing.

But this doesn’t have to just be responsive or reactive – there are also situations where, if trust is built and the Spirit prompts, it may be appropriate to proactively share a testimony. You may say something like ‘my faith is really important for me when it comes to what we’re discussing, do you mind if I tell you a little about it?’

Have something to signpost to

It is vanishingly rare that in a single faith conversation your role will be to walk with someone all the way from unbelief to a declaration of faith. You are much more likely to be helping someone take a very small step on a winding journey of discovery. Therefore, one of the best things we can do is be prepared to equip people for the next step of their journey by suggesting something they could do next.

There are two main things you can offer to help with this:

Something to attend

Offering an invitation is a great low-pressure way of enabling someone to explore further.

If you are confident that your Sunday services are newcomer-friendly, then it may be that you can invite someone unaffiliated with church to come along.

For many people, something other than a service that allows people to gently and gradually explore faith may be more appropriate. Perfect for this would be an On The Way course, but your church may have other activities or groups that offer a welcoming space for new people and spiritual seekers.

Social events are also an excellent way to gently start including people in Christian community.

In the absence of these options (or, perhaps, in addition to) you could also offer to meet to chat through any questions they have and explore faith together.

Something to read/watch/listen to

It’s also a good idea to have something you can recommend to people that doesn’t require attending a group or event. Ideally, find something you can trust and commend to people, but two good options would be:

• Christianity.org.uk – An excellent website offering thoughtful responses to many basic questions about Christianity
• Discovering Christianity – a short, compelling book by Rowan Williams for those curious about faith.
• The Bible! – Think about having some in your church that you can gift to people, or perhaps some nicely printed gospels.